modernmartyr:

My entire life is covered in cat hair

caligulasaquarikim:

if you’re gay and someone asks you who the man in your relationship is

just look up at the sky and go

‘it’s jesus

jesus is our man’

great gatsby deleted scene 

•  ((playing wii sports with gatsby))
• nick: just because some cute girl likes the same bizarro rich people crap as you that doesn't make her your soul mate

COSMO SEX TIP #8329 

arekelly:

Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.

whiskey-memories:

bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me

gothlolita:

im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names

mowwwg:

“you can’t wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!”

the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won’t quit???? honey that ain’t wrong that’s just fact

lampsarepeopletoo:

they call me macklemore in math class because im like

what what what what what

what what what what what what what

what what what what

shedisenchants:

shedisenchants:

so every year after the juniors finish reading The Great Gatsby my high school english teacher throws a Gatsby party at his huge house and everyone shows up in period clothing and Charlestons to 20s music and my english teacher just wears a suit and stands off to the side staring wistfully out the window the entire night

you guys think I’m joking??

jaaaaaaaaaackfrost:

how the fuck are all these people able to just run into celebrities in restaurants and gas stations and shit i’m lucky if i find two matching socks in a load of laundry on the first try

stfuconservatives:

“So I shouldn’t be surprised that the Mother’s Day Parade shooting has largely been forgotten. On Sunday, shots were fired into a crowd during a parade in the New Orleans 7th ward. Police said they saw three suspects running from the scene.

This is the largest mass shooting in the United States where the shooters were still at large after the crime was committed. Think about that for a minute. From Columbine to Virginia Tech to Fort Hill to Aurora, all the shooters were either killed or apprehended on site. But the person or people responsible for shooting 19 Americans are still free.”

One of the people who got shot was an antiviolence blogger. Somehow we aren’t seeing massive solidarity for New Orleans or the entire city going on police lockdown to find the perpetrators. Two reasons: 1) This mostly affected Black people, and we all know how much the media and the police give any fucks about Black people in New Orleans; 2) This was a gun crime, so we can’t criticize it because GUNS ARE FREEDOM!